Be serious. “Do you think President Obama is:
A. a Christian christian?”
B. a muslim Muslim?”
C. don’t know.”
Look, if the pollsters called me on the phone and asked that same question, I would have answered “B, Muslim” for the sheer fun of it. President Obama’s got himself so tied up in the dizzy inanities of political correctness, it’s amazing he can even see the teleprompter. His three most favorite activities are golf, grousing about Bush, and sucking up to those who dislike us.
The man just can’t stop himself from playing with our heads on this muslim thing. It’s as if the man has some kind of weird oppositional tune whirling inside his head that keeps leaking out and snidely pestering us with a subliminal “but so what if I was a Muslim, huh, huh?”
Then again, let’s run through quick litany of some of the reasons why some folks might reach the wrong conclusion:
1. His mom and grandparents who raised him were quite proud that they had no religion. So the only religious background President Obama had was the Islam of his dreamed-of father, Barak Sr., and his temporary step-dad, Lolo Soetero.
2. The name “Barack Hussein Obama” is a muslim name. Now in our western world that surely doesn’t mean he’s a muslim, but in the muslim world, it means exactly that. The Pakistani press will gladly supply you with archived articles asserting his loyalty to the Prophet. We probably shouldn’t expect the White House to correct every error in the Pakistani press.
3. So he comes into office, repeatedly speaking of the need for “outreach” to the Islamic nations, frequently invoking the Koran, which he prefers to call the “Huuly” Koran, whereas the Bible is not referred to as “Huuly.” The Bible is the plain and mundane Bible, nothing special there. This unequal treatment, which is ubiquitous, ticks a lot of people off, and is so deeply imbedded in our culture that this stupid but widely used spell-checker I’m using at this very instant keeps telling me that “muslim” requires the honorific of a capital “M,” but that an honorific “C” for “christian” would be incorrect.
4. First big speech after inauguration? Georgetown University, a catholic school, where the only place big enough to hold the honored guests is the chapel. Yes, that chapel. The one with that Jesus guy right there up in front. Panicked by the thought of how it would scandalize the world to see President Obama with Jesus looking over his shoulder, the White House Messaging Battalion dispatches a detachment to the Walmart to buy up 30 sets of sheets (white sheets. Oh, dear, is that a statement?). Rushing back to the chapel, they successfully enshroud Jesus and his cross, narrowly avoiding igniting an international incident.
5. Two months later, Cairo and The Grand Pandering Address to the Muslim World. There were no speeches to the Cc hristian, Jjewish, Bbuddhist, Aagnostic, Aatheist or any other of the Llesser Wworlds. Nor are any planned for the future.
6. “An Invite to the National Day of Prayer? Me? You’re kidding.* Uh, I’ve got a golf tee time, heh-heh. But thanks.”
7. December at the White House. “Welcome to our Winter Holiday Party. There ain’t no Jesus here, ’cause were like open, y’know.* But we do have some images on our Seasonal Tree of penny-ante murderer Che and the All-Time Bloodiest Dictator, Mao. Way cool, huh? The college kids like it.”
8. “Church? I haven’t been to church since I didn’t go to Reverend Wright’s church. Which is why I didn’t know nothin’ about the Best-Of-Reverend-Wright DVDs that the church proudly sold in the lobby and on the internet. And when I said he was my mentor? Y’know. I didn’t mean it like a mentor mentor. Other than not attending there, I never did church.”
9. “But did I tell you my girls were baptized at the Reverend’s church? Yup, follow after their mom, that way. Not me though, heh-heh. I don’t do baptism.”
10. He-hey, Let’s get that ReStart button from Hillary. It’s Ramadan, Eid-al-Fitre. Barack has got the hots so bad that even though there’s never been a Christmas observance* at his White House, this is important, so he breaks with established protocol, invites in a raft of muslims, the ones who are faithfully and dutifully silent about human rights violations in the middle east, and then mentions their holiday by name (imagine that!!). And let’s get over the mosque thing. Sure the landing gear of that 767 crashed through the roof where the want to build The Great American Mosque, and so did body parts. But hey, muslims died that day too, you know. In fact, those body parts might have been from Mohammed Atta himself. Build it. That way, they’ll know we’re way cool. Or at least, that I’m way cool.
Muslim? No.
Lame? Very.
So on second thought, I’ll answer “B, muslim Muslim.” Just for the sheer fun of it.
*……In fairness…..the image folk have helped the President out this year with these issues, having him show up at the annual Prayer Breakfast and calling the December 25th holiday “Christmas.”
Stumped Again. 