In Peter Schweizer’s new book “Throw Them All Out,”  Colorado Congressman Jared Polis is one of the front-and-center exhibits of what is wrong in the scandal of  crony capitalist/congressional insider trading abuse.  Polis, the Congressman representing Colorado’s 2nd District (Boulder), invested heavily in BridgeHealth, a medical tourism company at the same time he was sitting on two committees working on the (Un)Affordable Health Care Act, betting that medical tourism will go up under the new plan.  His votes coincided with the work in the committee, leveraging his insider information for profits.  He also used insider information to buy biotech stocks in coordination with his closed-door committee work, just as it was inserting a 12-year production exclusivity clause for new biotech drugs, as opposed to the usual 5-year limit before generic production can begin.  That’s a huge  windfall for investments like PowerShares Dynamic Biotech and Genome ETF, which Polis made simultaneously with the bill moving forward.

Moving from a 5-year to a 12-year generic regime adds enormous costs to consumers, literally billions of dollars, but hey, Jared got a sweet play out of the deal, all while blubbering how much he cares about the health care costs for poor people and old people and middle class people.

The fact of Polis’ multiple insider-trading plays may make him even more vulnerable than he was already becoming.  With the once-a-decade redistricting, he now has an increased number of Republican precincts in his district, including all of center-right Larimer County.  With the whiff of corruption, added Republicans in the district, and the sheen coming off the green in Polis-promised “New Energy,”  it wouldn’t be impossible to see the 2nd District flip GOP in 2012.

It would still require an uphill battle, but with the right candidate and a lot of hard work, hey this is Tebow Territory.

Former professional mathematician Herman Cain thinks he has the solution, and he calls it “The 9-9-9 Plan“  In Mr. Cain’s favor, it probably is true that if ever we needed a President competent in math, that time is right now. Before he went into the business world, Cain worked as a mathematician professionally, doing rocket ballistics for the Defense Department, and he earned his graduate degree from Purdue University in Mathematics.

—But we need to check his math.  As Ronald Reagan said, “Trust, but verify.”

Some questions we need to ask are: “Does it bring in at least as much revenue as our current scheme of taxation,” and “Does it place undue burdens on a significant portion of the population?”  In addition, there are numerous “hidden benefits” to the economy from the plan which are not always immediately obvious. Finally, there are a ton of urban legends creeping up about 999, in some supposedly “reputable” publications.  We will discuss those at the end.

————————————————————————————————————————————————

To outline briefly Herman Cain’s 999 Plan, it calls for…

1. Completely abolishing the current Federal taxation system, including the payroll tax.
2. A 9% across-the-board individual income tax.
3. A 9% corporate tax rate.
4. A 9% Federal sales tax on all new products, but not on services.

Question #1: Is 9-9-9 “revenue neutral”?

Does it bring it bring in approximately the same amount of revenue as our current system?  It seems to be at least close to the ball park, if not in the ball park.  Here’s the back-of the-envelope math, using static analysis*:

+ Total revenues to the US Treasury last year were $2.1 trillion.

+ Per capita personal income is $45,000/year:  Multiply $45,000 x .09 x 310 million people = $1.255 trillion in revenue.

+ Corporate profits last year were depressed at $1,225 trillion: $1,225 trillion x .09 =$110 billion in revenue.

+ Sales tax-eligible transactions* last year were $4.3 trillion: $4.3 trillion x  .09 = $387 billion in revenue.

+ In addition, there are non-tax revenues (for example oil-drilling leases on Federal land, entrance fees to Yellowstone Park, etc., etc.) that will continue as before and bring in, as they did last year, $146 billion in revenue.

So the 999 plan, if newly in effect last year, would have brought in  $1.868 trillion, a shortfall of about 11%……. HOWEVER,……….this is using static analysis, which assumes that when businesses no longer have to pay that 7.65% payroll tax or a 35% tax rate or double taxation on dividends, that money will be taken off the table and disappear, as if that extra money accruing to them will be taken out back and burned in a bonfire.  But we all know (well maybe not some Democrats) that they are NOT going to use that money to light cigars.  They are going to do something with it: invest in expanding their current business, invest in new ventures, or pay down their own debt (stabilizing their company and the employment of those who work there), or even bump up pay or bonuses to employees.  Or maybe all of the above.

Looking at a dynamic analysis, we can expect more revenue than the $1.868 trillion supplied by static analysis, but how much more?  We’re still $232 billion short.  Remember that the terms “tax cut” and “tax rate cut” are not synonymous. There is a great deal of confusion over this and people (especially politicians!) often say the one when they mean the other. A tax rate cut can result in an increase in tax revenue, whereas a rate increase can sometimes reduce the government’s total revenue.  This is because the economy is dynamic:  People and especially business people don’t just sit there when they get a higher or lower rate, they change their behaviors. This is where the weeds get thick, and I am not prepared to go further with precision except to say that the Reagan tax rate reduction resulted in an extra $500 billion to the Treasury per year, while US Treasury receipts after the Bush tax rate reductions went from $1.782 trillion in 2003 to $2.406 trillion in 2006.  We got big deficits because the politicians set their Spending Dials to “Spend-O-Matic.” In the reinvestment-strong 9-9-9 plan, receipts would likely increase well beyond the static analysis-produced $232 billion gap.

So, following dynamic analysis, the question “will it be at least revenue neutral” has to be answered with a clear “yes.”

Question #2: “Does 9-9-9 place undue burdens on a significant portion of the population?”

Okay, who gets hurt?  As currently constructed, most people people get a big plus, but some are impacted negatively, mostly low to middle income seniors. Also there is some significant negativity for the non-working poor, which will have to be addressed.

Seniors get burned by the fact that they are being hit with a 9 percent Sales Tax, while NOT getting the more-than-off-setting elimination of the Payroll Tax.  They already paid their Payroll Tax.  Low-to-middle income seniors also tend to spend a greater portion of their income on Sales-Tax-eligible transactions, including food. So it’s like having their SS check cut by as much as 6-7% in some cases.

The non-working poor are in much  the same category as the seniors, getting the sales tax but no offset from the Payroll Tax elimination.

And then there are a few unanswered questions for Mr. Cain and the 9-9-9:

Is Social Security taxable income?  Seniors generally do not pay taxes on Social Security.  So do they now get 9% withheld from their checks?

And the Roth IRA/401k situation: For years, wise folk have not taken the IRA/401k exemption when they put money into their retirement plan, willing to accept a smaller fund  in exchange for not having to pay taxes at the time of withdrawal, using the Roth plan. Do they now have to pay 9%?  And do they get a “claw-back” of some kind to compensate for what amounted to a prepayment of income taxes?

Believe me, I want 9-9-9 to work, the whole idea of making the proposal is gutsy and creative, and Mr. Cain seems to me like a wonderful candidate.  But these things need to be answered.

Question #3: What are the “Hidden Benefits” to the economy from a 9-9-9 Plan?

Increased exports.  Because the Income Tax burden to business is reduced, those products become more price-competitive in the world markets, and we sell more goods overseas, which means more jobs and more money coming into the US economy from outside.

It makes it harder to raise taxes in the Future.  A lot of people have this confused, and state the opposite, but taxes become harder to to raise when taxpayers have “skin in the game,” that is, something to lose if the tax is increased.  Every voter would be paying the Sales Tax and thus inclined to vote against raising it. As for the Income Tax, the 9% Income Tax will apply to the great majority of taxpayers.  With the current system, almost 50% of the population pays zero income tax, and are thus inclined to favor raising taxes since they will not have to pay them, “just the rich.”

Reduction of compliance and regulation burden. This saves companies and upwards of $350 billion/year ,which then gets plowed into the economy creating additional profits which are in turn taxed at 9% yeilding still more income to the Treasury.  Also, companies that pay nothing now on large profits, as in Obama’s favorite crony capitalism pet, General Electric), will actually have to pay.  In 2010, General Electric posted $14.2 billion in profits and paid zero in Income Tax.  No more special deals for special Wheels.

Stops punishing job creation. Companies have their reinvestment dollars slashed by 35% when they want to expand or enter new fields. That hurts employment (which hurts revenue to the Treasury). In addition, companies have to shell out for the payroll tax matching, further punishing job-creation even more.

———

Notes:

* “static analysis” is simply doing the basic math without asking “how might humans respond to any changes?”  It is in contrast to “dynamic analysis,” which tries to take human behavioral adjustments into account.

— FOR EXAMPLE:

Let’s say Herman has a pizza store. He sells a 100 pizzas a day and he charges $10 a pizza.  He’s struggling and he’d like to make a lot more money, so he decides to raise the price to $100 a pizza.  Under static analysis he does the math: 100 pizzas per day x $100 per pizza =  wow, he’ll take in $10,000 per day!! That’s way better than the $1,000/day he was getting before!

In contrast, dynamic analysis includes thinking about how the customers will respond when they see the menu reading “14 Inch PIZZA: $100.00.” People respond to a changing marketplace in definite patterns that are largely if not precisely predictable.  This is sometimes difficult to measure, but it does explain why lower tax rates often result in MORE rather than less revenue to the US Treasury.  Lower taxes give more $$ to businesses who as a rule do NOT put the $$ into pillow cases, but rather invest in expansion and new products or services, generating jobs and more business activity (which in turn generates more tax revenue) .  This is why previous tax cuts (Democrat John Kennedy  in 1961, Reagan in 1982-1983, Bush in 2002) saw revenues jump up in the years following the new rates. Unfortunately politicians under Reagan and Bush said “hey, more money to spend gives us more borrowing power! Let’s spend the new dough on new favors to our voters and  borrow even more, so we can buy off the taxpayers and get re-elected! We’ll be retired before they catch on!”

* “Sales-Tax Eligible Transactions” are transactions that are consumer purchases of new (not used) products and does not include housing. However, it does include food.

Don’t believe me? Here’s the Sickos:

http://www.whitehonor.com/white-power/the-occupy-wall-street-movement/

(wordpress apparently blocks this site.  Google it, or don’t, maybe it’s good NOT to drive their hits up)

http://www.cpusa.org/solidarity-with-occupy-wall-street-teleconference-oct-11/

Meanwhile we have a President who rails with white-hot heat against Republicans and the Tea Party, but sits in silence as we see instance after instance on videotape of putrid racism expressed by OWS.  And when he does open his mouth, he expresses sympathy for the movement.

What do you expect from a Community Organizer who taught “community organizing” using for a textbook Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals,” a book literally dedicated to Satan?  Think I’m making this up? The book is right here at my keyboard.  Three dedications on the page, 80% of which is filled by his paean to Lucifer:

“Lest we forget at least an over-the-shoulder acknowledgement to the very first radical: from all our legends, mythology, and history…..the very first radical known to man who rebelled against the establishment and did it so effectively that he at least won his own kingdom—Lucifer.

—– Saul Alinsky

Notice if you will that the dedication is to “Lucifer,” who in western tradition is the manifestation of the Evil One who appears as an Angel of Light, but leads his willing and unsuspecting followers into the mouth of Hell.   A great cosmic joke played upon humankind, —–but who’s laughing?

And the emphasis is on town as opposed to city.  The Springs is just one big, sprawling small town of 500,000 people. Shortly after arriving here, I had a flat tire on a very un-flat road, rendering my ordinary tire jack insufficient for the job.  Ten people offered to stop and help, including two guys who dragged a 300-pound floor jack out of the back of their pickup to get me fully operational and on my way.

There’s a real small-town laid-back feel here because so much of the population is from small towns or rural areas.  And that is because the big Elephant here is not some gleaming mega-church, as some may believe, but the US military.  The troops are everywhere, with four Air Force bases and the Army’s  massive  Fort Carson to our immediate south.  According to studies, 4 out of 5 military enlistees hail from small towns or rural areas.  Think about it: How many military guys do you know of that came from Manhattan?  Answer: slightly fewer than the total from Zipdacoatup, North Dakota. With today’s all-volunteer force, they have families, and they all come from Zipdacoatup as well.

Seven years ago I rolled into town, this most conservative of Republican cities, and found my Republican mayor was Lionel Rivera, a Hispanic George Bush fan, my Republican Party County Chairman was Hispanic Greg Garcia, and in my part of town, with a 5:1 GOP-Dem registration ratio, my city councilman was an African-American named Darryl Glenn.  For you folks enamored with the equality-of-outcome concept, the income gap between white and African-American is the smallest of any city in America at 9%,and we are tied for the best “gini” number of any city in the US. –Not what people would lead you to believe about a Republican-dominated city.  The Democrats had a big breakthrough with Obama garnering almost 39% of the vote, which is a big jump-up from John Kerry’s 33%, though 2012 will likely see a serious erosion of Democratic gains..

I really didn’t expect socialism. The gas company? City-owned.  The electric company? City-owned. The big hospital? City-owned. And they all work pretty well. We have the 4th-lowest utility bills of any city in the US, and get extra-clean water (and air) to boot.   It’s efficient to get your water, electric and gas bill on the same page and paying with one click.

But I did expect conservatives, and boy do we have ‘em. Tea Party Heaven. I went to a TP event downtown in Acacia Park last year, and it was jammed. Lots of passionate speeches and rah-rah, but, hey  they cleaned the park after they were done.  No Nazi signs like Nancy Pelosi said there were, though there were a few signs about Nancy Pelosi herself, which were rather short on positive sentiments.  Lots of grandmas. And there were way more black people than guns.  I liked it.

Speaking of guns, the gun-grabbers have made some headway here. In a 2003 landmark decision, the City Council passed an ordinance ruling that Mr. Don Ortega would no longer be allowed to sit with his shotgun on his lap at City Council meetings.  Mayor Rivera said  that he was going to start packing a .38  at meetings if didn’t pass. But we’re still pretty safe since the concealed carry permits are quite popular and the Sheriff’s Department says there are over 10,000 people legally packing heat, ready to help with law enforcement.

Did you know Colorado Springs has been tagged  “the skinniest city in America?”  What else could one expect with the US Olympic Committee headquartered here, along with the governing bodies of scores of different sports, from USA Archery to US Figure Skating to USA Volleyball and everything in between. The Olympic Committee came here to get natural blood-doping for US athletes. In the thin air (Denver is way down low compared to the Springs), humans develop 20% more oxygen-carrying red corpuscles.  The place is crawling with athletes, making fatties really uncomfortable. Our marathon is a bit special, it’s an up-and-back deal: Climb 7,100 feet in 13.1 miles to the top of 14,110-foot Pikes Peak, then charge back down the rock-strewn mountain.  Oxygen is available for dropouts at the Peak. Like I said, the place is crawling with athletes, so if you want to do the Pikes Peak Death Run run next August, you’d best get your application in by April. It’s BYOB-AIS: Bring Your Own Bandages And Inflatable Splints.  If you can’t get into the marathon because you applied too late, you can do the one-way Pikes Peak Ascent the day before and ride back down in a yellow school bus.  A guy from my church ran the ascent on Saturday and then did the full marathon on Sunday. His wife was in church praying for him.

Colorado Springs is an animal house.  Dogs are everywhere, some people collect them like bottle caps.  Dog Fancy Magazine named  Colorado Springs the best city to raise a dog in, due to the many dog parks, lots of open space, lack of insects, fresh air, and the fact that people just love their animals here.  And we have wild  animals. You can’t grow a garden on the west side of the city because the deer will devour it. They didn’t have a rain delay for the 2008 Senior Open at the Broadmoor, but they did have a “bear delay” while ursus major wandered about on the 13th fairway.   Inside the city limits I have also seen pronghorn antelope, elk, bighorn sheep, deer, and lots of foxes and coyotes. Since moving here, we had a buffalo stampede with 5 of the critters shot in the street, and on our side of town, a mountain lion shot 3 blocks from the school where my wife teaches.

Choice?  Yes, we’ve got educational choice unlike almost anywhere else.  You can send your kid to any school.  That’s right, Illinois, any school. You may have to drive the kids there yourself, but it can be any school in the district, or any school outside the district, or any charter school. Just sign up on time.

So, yeah, come on out.  It’s a little scruffy around some of the edges, the libertarians have given us the medicinal marijuana blight for example, but I like it (the city I mean, not the bong).  I’m staying.

In a hurricane it’s the plywood wholesaler.  In a blizzard it’s the guy selling snow shovels.  And when Big Taxation blows into town, it’s the tax-shelter man who cleans up. And who sells tax shelters? Why Berkshire Hathaway handles that, Warren Buffet’s company.

So Buffet claims he’s willing to pay higher taxes in the future (so he can sell more and bigger tax shelters) , yet Berkshire Hathaway owes billions in back taxes —all the way back to 2002.

Who does Warren Buffet think he’s fooling? ……Besides Barack Obama, I mean.

Racism is sadly an almost universal experience.  Some societies have done better than others, but the fact remains that racist attitudes are common in many places.  And there is a pattern that needs explanation:

Why is it that lighter-skinned people tend to look down on darker-skinned people?  Why is it rarely the reverse?  Whether we are talking about Punjabis in India looking down on the darker-skinned Dravidians in the South or lighter-skinned Chinese looking down on the darker people of the south?  Whether in Brazil or Mexico or the USA, or Africa itself, the pattern is the same.  Even within the African-American community, there remains a general preference for light as opposed to dark.  As for politicians, recall Senator Harry Reid’s comment last year that President Obama had a lot going for him because he is “light-skinned.”  And that is at the same time disturbing and intriguing.

One day I was looking at a photo on our refrigerator of a gathering of some friends, and suddenly a theory popped into my head.  Our group was inter-racial, and one of our friends is an African-American who is especially dark.  In the photo, everyone is smiling, happy together, with expressions ranging from delight to anticipation to warm contentedness.  Except for Namon.  In the picture, he’s just too dark to read any expression.  I’m sure he was happy at the time, but to look at the photo, I just can’t tell for sure.

Is that what explains the ubiquitous bias for “light” as opposed to “dark?”

Maybe we’re uncomfortable when it takes a bit longer to “read” someone’s emotions.  Maybe it takes a little longer for “fear of the unknown” to subside, and it affects the way we respond to people.

Just somethng to think about.

From the “Damning with ‘Ain’t Praise” Department:

Glorious Praises were heaped upon Sonia Sotomayor last year, when she was nominated to the position of Associate Supreme Court Justice. She was featured on cover after cover of every major newsmag, some of them featuring her pleasant countenance more than once.  She was feted and greeted and interviewed by everyone from Oprah to Chopra.  There were mountains of TV  yak-yak.  And that’s all fine, first Latina to sit with the Supremes was a real milestone.

But contrast those quivers of shivers with November, in which the first Latina ever was elected to the office of  Governor.  No magazine covers, few articles, no Oprah, no Chopra.  Just a terse one-sentence comment, quickly deposited, “Susana Martinez of New Mexico is the first Latina to be elected governor of any state……..” and then, like a whisper lost in the night air…..nothing.  I thought it might change with Inauguration Day, but no.

You see, Susana Martinez is one of them, a Republican, and worse, a Palinite.  Since the great majority of journalists in the USA selected their career path because, in their words,  they “wanted to make a difference,“ by which they invariably mean, “a positive impact for leftist viewpoints,“ they are subconciously engaged in the art of ostrich emulation.  It really is kind of humorous to see the choreographed unity of all those liberal butts sticking up in the air.

You think it’s just an oversight?  If you’re a political junkie, explain this:

Also in November, for the first time, an African-American female was elected Lieutenant Governor of a state.  Remember the story? Can you name her? Can you name the state? Of course not….she’s a Republican….., a conservative Republican.

A. a Christian christian?”

B. a muslim Muslim?”

C. don’t know.”

Look, if the pollsters called me on the phone and asked that same question, I would have answered “B, Muslim” for the sheer fun of it.  President Obama’s got himself so tied up in the dizzy inanities of political correctness, it’s amazing he can even see the teleprompter.   His three most favorite activities are golf, grousing about Bush, and sucking up to those who dislike us.

The man just can’t stop himself from playing with our heads on this muslim thing.  It’s as if the man has some kind of weird oppositional tune whirling inside his head that keeps leaking out and snidely pestering us with a subliminal “but so what if I was a Muslim, huh, huh?”

Then again, let’s run through quick litany of some of the reasons why some folks might reach the wrong conclusion:

1.  His mom and grandparents who raised him were quite proud that they had no religion.  So the only religious background President Obama had was the Islam of his dreamed-of father, Barak Sr., and his temporary step-dad, Lolo Soetero.

2. The name “Barack Hussein Obama” is a muslim name.  Now in our western world that surely doesn’t mean he’s a muslim, but in the muslim world, it means exactly that.  The Pakistani press will gladly supply you with archived articles asserting his loyalty to the Prophet.  We probably shouldn’t expect the White House to correct every error in the Pakistani press.

3. So he comes into office, repeatedly speaking of the need for “outreach” to the Islamic nations, frequently invoking the Koran, which he prefers to call the “Huuly” Koran, whereas the Bible is not referred to as “Huuly.”  The Bible is the plain and mundane Bible,  nothing special there.  This unequal treatment, which is ubiquitous, ticks a lot of people off, and is so deeply imbedded in our culture that this stupid but widely used spell-checker I’m using at this very instant keeps telling me that “muslim” requires the honorific of a capital “M,” but that an honorific “C” for “christian” would be incorrect.

4. First big speech after inauguration?  Georgetown University, a catholic school, where the only place big enough to hold the honored guests is the chapel.  Yes, that chapel.  The one with that Jesus guy right there up in front.  Panicked by the thought of how it would scandalize the world to see President Obama with Jesus looking over his shoulder, the White House Messaging Battalion dispatches a detachment to the Walmart to buy up 30 sets of sheets (white sheets.  Oh, dear, is that a statement?).  Rushing back to the chapel, they successfully enshroud Jesus and his cross, narrowly avoiding igniting an international incident.

5. Two months later, Cairo and The Grand Pandering Address to the Muslim World.  There were no speeches to the Cc hristian, Jjewish, Bbuddhist, Aagnostic, Aatheist or any other of the Llesser Wworlds. Nor are any planned for the future.

6. “An Invite to the National Day of Prayer? Me?  You’re kidding.*  Uh, I’ve got a golf tee time, heh-heh. But thanks.”

7. December at the White House.   “Welcome to our Winter Holiday Party.  There ain’t no Jesus here, ’cause were like open, y’know.*  But we do have some images on our Seasonal Tree of penny-ante murderer Che and the All-Time Bloodiest Dictator, Mao. Way cool, huh?  The college kids like it.”

8. “Church? I haven’t been to church since I didn’t go to Reverend Wright’s church. Which is why I didn’t know nothin’ about the Best-Of-Reverend-Wright DVDs that the church proudly sold in the lobby and on the internet.   And when I said he was my mentor?  Y’know. I didn’t mean it like a mentor mentor.  Other than not attending there, I never did church.”

9.  “But did I tell you my girls were baptized at the Reverend’s church?  Yup, follow after their mom, that way.  Not me though, heh-heh.  I don’t do baptism.”

10.  He-hey, Let’s get that ReStart button from Hillary.  It’s Ramadan, Eid-al-Fitre.   Barack has got the hots so bad that even though there’s never been a Christmas observance* at his White House, this is important, so he breaks with established protocol, invites in a raft of muslims, the ones who are faithfully and dutifully silent about human rights violations in the middle east, and then mentions their holiday by name (imagine that!!).  And let’s get over the mosque thing.  Sure the landing gear of that 767 crashed through the roof where the want to build The Great American Mosque, and so did body parts.  But hey, muslims died that day too, you know.  In fact, those body parts might have been from Mohammed Atta himself.  Build it.  That way, they’ll know we’re way cool.  Or at least, that I’m way cool.

Muslim? No.

Lame? Very.

So on second thought, I’ll answer “B, muslim Muslim.” Just for the sheer fun of it.

*……In fairness…..the image folk have helped the President out this year with these issues, having him show up at the annual Prayer Breakfast and calling the December 25th holiday “Christmas.”

but it was all the same to me. For a guy who grew up in a thick cloud of blue-eyed blondes, she was the very personification of the exotic.  She was a raven-haired, dark-eyed beauty whose olive-skin seemed to give off the very aroma of……mystery.  She opened her mouth and out drifted foreign words —-French! The universally officially authorized language of ….love!

She was an international exchange student and I was one of at least 100  guys matriculating (“studying” is perhaps a bit too strong) at our college because it wasn’t in Vietnam and it was close to home.

On the second day of classes, she was sitting in the coffee shop, the the hangout for all of us low-grade townies that the college let in, just to improve town-and-gown relations.  She pulled out a pack of Gaulloise, the unfiltered preference of dedicated Parisian cafe  provocateurs, and the room turned an ethereal blue.   I suppressed an urge to sign up for Advanced French.  Just listening to all the Z‘s substituting for th’s and the ee sounds plugged in to the i positions,  I was smitten.

She told me she was Jewish, which I had trouble believing because everybody knows that Morocco is an Arab country.  My doubts increased when I brought a toasted bagel out of the cafeteria and she said “what is zzat?”  That was before I knew the difference between Ashkenazim or Sephardim, let alone Mizrahim, the latter of which don’t know from bagels.

She had been a philosophy major in high school.  Imagine that, a philosophy major in high school! Heck, we were just learning how to spell “philosophy” when I was in high school. I was sure she must be a genuine intellectual.  She spoke meanderingly of Camus and Sartre, which is when I found out Jean-Paul’s name is not pronounced “Sar-tray.” Obviously, she was a genuine philosophe.

Our relationship progressed through 7 years of fits and starts and separations.  She shocked her friends and family by tumbling into discipleship behind Jesus of Nazareth and was accused by the chairman of the philosophy department of being a Calvinist. That’s how I found out she had guts, because Jewish girls are definitely not supposed to become Calvinists, or even Mennonites.  She moved off to Paris to tell the Arabs living there that Jesus was the Mahdi, while I at last received my draft notice and shipped out to spend two years in the Army Medical Corps.

You do not rush into marrying a princess, so after 7 years I finally made my move, proposing in the shadow of Big Red, the West Michigan lighthouse where I spent the days of my youth illegally jumping off the breakwaters and fighting the rip currents (good thing she was a lifeguard-class swimmer).  She said “yes,” we got married, and immediately produced four babies in four years.  That was before the doctor showed me where the  “off” button was.  After thirty-three years, it’s been a romp, and I’d do it all over again.

You want the woman you marry to be crazy, gutsy, passionate, dedicated, honest and capable of deep commitment.  And that’s her.  She’s all mine. Get your own.